Our Midlife Should Be Celebrated, Please Stop Labelling It a “Crisis”
At 43, I've reached the stage where women are warned to watch out for the creeping sadness of middle age. We're served up an endless stream of advice on "how to survive your 40s", as if we're in the endurance stage of a slow limp toward fragility. This is the age women start to become "invisible"—our value, attractiveness and power supposedly diminished by the vanishing of youth. But I don't feel like I'm fading into obscurity. I feel more seen than I ever have, and for the first time in my life, I have a clear-eyed view of myself that is authentic, compassionate and accepting.
When I look in the mirror, I'm proud of who I am—even those "broken" parts that for so long seemed impossible to love. So when advertisers try to sell me ways to "turn back the clock", I have to suppress a laugh. I wouldn't go back to the crippling self-consciousness of my youth if you paid me. This hard-won sense of self-acceptance is one of the joys of being an older woman. But it's a narrative often drowned out by the shame that marketers rely on to peddle us their diet pills, miracle face creams and breathable yoga pants—as if self-love is a purchasable commodity.
For some women I know, this sense of trust and self-belief later in life gave them the courage to leave dysfunctional relationships or embark on new career paths. Others talked about enjoying their own company, of growth through adversity, deepening bonds of friendships, the ability to be more compassionate, less judgmental and to listen more and appreciate the small pleasures. Life past 40 is far from smooth sailing, but it's so much more than the reductive depictions we see in women's magazines and on the Hollywood big screen.