Different people use different strategies for managing conflicts. These strategies are learned in childhood. Usually, we are not aware of how we act in conflict situations. We just do whatever seems to come naturally. But we do have a personal strategy, and because it is learned, we can always change it by learning new and more effective ways of managing conflicts. When you get involved in a conflict, there are two major concerns you have to take into account: achieving your personal goals and keeping a good relationship with the other person. How important your personal goals are and how important the relationship is to you affect how you act in a conflict. Given these two concerns, five styles of managing conflicts can be identified.
The turtle. Turtles withdraw into their shells to avoid conflicts. They give up their personal goals and relationships. They believe it is easier to withdraw from a conflict than to face it.
The shark. Sharks try to overpower opponents by forcing them to accept their solution to the conflict. They seek to achieve their goals at all costs. Sharks assume that conflicts are settled by one person winning and one person losing. Winning gives sharks a sense of pride and achievement. Losing gives them a sense of weakness, inadequacy, and failure.
The teddy bear. Teddy bears want to be accepted and liked by other people. They think that conflict should be avoided in favor of harmony, and believe that conflicts cannot be discussed without damaging relationships. They give up their goals to preserve the relationship.
The fox. Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and about their relationships with other people. They give up part of their goals and persuade the other person in a conflict to give up part of his goals. They seek a solution to conflicts where both sides gain something.
The owl. Owls view conflicts as problems to be solved. They see conflicts as improving relationships by reducing tension between two people. They try to begin a discussion that identifies the conflict as a problem. By seeking solutions that satisfy both themselves and the other person, owls maintain the relationship. Owls are not satisfied until a solution is found that achieves their own goals and the other person's goals, and they are not satisfied until the tensions and negative feelings have been fully resolved.